Deep thoughts from the shallow end of the pool...

So I guess I should tell the -3 people who might read this...

noreply@blogger.com (TVD) — Wed, 18 Nov 2009 02:56:00 +0000

I'm trying to be more blog, less drama. Just sayin.

Dammit, I hate when this happens...

noreply@blogger.com (TVD) — Wed, 18 Nov 2009 02:08:00 +0000

For once, I guess I have to agree with Sarah Palin, thats not an appropriate cover. I really do wonder who would have approved of that and thought it was a good idea. It'd be different if she was an athelete, but she's a politician, and should be covered as such... Dunno...

From Jezebel

Oh, its on!

noreply@blogger.com (TVD) — Tue, 17 Nov 2009 18:29:00 +0000

Dear Rep. Shimkus,

For years I have watched and been embarrassed by your actions and your rhetoric, but I was never inspired by you as I have been this year. Between your cheap punditry and the disrespect you showed when you walked away from President Obama, to any of the many other acts you have done this year, I'm inspired. Never before have I donated to a local election before, nor have I ever wanted to volunteer or help with a campaign. But you've inspired me to do these things. I plan to actively oppose your reelection, and try to get others to do the same. I just wanted to let you know, and thank you for the inspiration.

"No God means the possibility of less suffering in the future."

noreply@blogger.com (TVD) — Sun, 15 Nov 2009 20:22:00 +0000

Yes.

noreply@blogger.com (TVD) — Sun, 15 Nov 2009 19:38:00 +0000

[Godless Blogger]

I know not with what

noreply@blogger.com (TVD) — Sun, 08 Nov 2009 02:53:00 +0000

Butterflies are free to fly, and so they fly away / And I'm left to carry on and wonder why

noreply@blogger.com (TVD) — Sat, 31 Oct 2009 02:15:00 +0000

I guess after my last posts I left this all behind. But in the end I'm simply out of people to talk to. Our marriage is over, and I'm left behind. The only thing worse than the fact that the person I loved and wanted to spend forever with left is the emptiness that I feel inside. I just keep going day to day, but I've lost my drive to do anything. In so many ways things are better now. We were miserable in the last weeks. But now I'm just so much more alone than I have ever been. Its a silence in the house that weighs on me, and I don't want to come home to an empty house. But I have no where to go, and nothing to do. I think to myself that I want to meet someone, but I know I'm not wanting to be in a relationship, I just want companionship, and its a selfish wish.

I never thought my life was going to end up like this. I never thought I'd end up alone, almost thirty and starting my life over again.

'Is there some place far away, some place where all is clear

Easy to start over with the ones you hold so dear
Or are you left to wander, all alone, eternally
This isn't how it's really meant to be
No, it isn't how it's really meant to be.'

I wish I could have spun faster.

noreply@blogger.com (TVD) — Fri, 29 May 2009 03:01:00 +0000

http://xkcd.com/162/

I just didn't know tomorrow would be yesterday.

noreply@blogger.com (TVD) — Tue, 26 May 2009 03:07:00 +0000

Did you say it?
I love you
I dont ever want to live without you
You changed my life
Did you say it?
Make a plan
Set a goal
Work toward it
But every now and then look around
Drink it in
Cause this is it
It might all be gone tomorrow

So things didn't turn out right, does that make the past worthless?

noreply@blogger.com (TVD) — Sat, 23 May 2009 06:17:00 +0000

So my wife realized/accepted/came to terms with her sexuality. One that's not the same as mine. I don't know when this happened, and I plan to discuss this and talk about it more, but the issue isn't about that really.

What do we do now? What is our future? What is my future? Who am I now that I am not her husband?

I knew the moment I first kissed her that I wanted to spend the rest of my life with her. What do I do with my life now? Who am I?

Obviously, we've got a lot to still discuss. Divorcing now has a lot of down sides. But waiting isn't such a good option either.

But I don't want to spend my life without her. But we can't go on like this either.

I guess we'll just have to see.

Finals

noreply@blogger.com (TVD) — Mon, 04 May 2009 13:57:00 +0000

Wow, I have not updated all semester. That's special. It's finals time, and the science building is quiet. I'll try to find a dp for today, I think.

Daily picture

noreply@blogger.com (TVD) — Tue, 17 Mar 2009 21:42:00 +0000

Demo day!

School Updates

noreply@blogger.com (TVD) — Wed, 14 Jan 2009 18:44:00 +0000

School always starts out weird. Its like you have all this nervous energy as the courses start, and no way to expend it. So you're all fired up and just waiting. Its so vexing. Of course, its also soon to be over, as the classes get going and the teachers begin to go into the class full tilt. This semester I have even longer breaks between classes, and I plan to use them as much as possible. I've started typing up my notes, and I plan to continue, although I've decided Calc might be the exception to that rule, since obviously ... its not easily typeable.

----------------
Now playing: Green Day & U2 - The Saints Are Coming (Live from New Orleans)
via FoxyTunes

The cows have to be cold.

noreply@blogger.com (TVD) — Wed, 31 Dec 2008 18:02:00 +0000

So I've been walking, third day today. I've gotten up to a whole hour of walking. Its interesting, and I get a chance to listen to some podcasts and think and relax. But I'm so sore. Soooo sore.

noreply@blogger.com (TVD) — Mon, 29 Dec 2008 16:38:00 +0000

I'm listening to Prelude to War again. I've been able to listen to it repeatedly for who knows how many times now. I love this fraking song. It's disturbing how much I like this song.

I know I've let you down. And I've known for a while. Which has made the cycle of despair and regret to allow me to do worse. I kind of stopped trying, I suppose. I could tell you what I've told myself, that work was tough, and school was rough this semester, and I also didn't have anytime for myself and whatever else, but the truth is I stopped trying at somepoint. I don't think the problems are all your fault, or even mostly. I stopped trying, and I stopped... I don't know how to describe it, but when I realized how bad things were, we were already a mess, school was faltering, and I didn't know how to stop it.

So I guess it comes down to trying to try again. And this is the point where Yoda pops up with a helpful Do or Do not bit. So I shall do. And I will fail. Because it is hard, and I'm not good at this, at improving myself. But what I want to do this time is to get up and do again after I fail. And I'm sure that you will kick my ass a few times when I need it.

I hope you know I love you. I will always love you. I'm sorry I wasn't there when you needed me. I'm sorry you couldn't tell me what was wrong. I'm not sorry I lost your trust, because I deserved it; I'm going to just work to regain it.

There are things in my life that are broken, in ways that are not good for me;I'm wanting to fix them.

- Our relationship is the priority on that list.

-My health, weight, etc is on that list. I'm horrible about it, but I will start and I will try, and I make no promises or goals, other than to try everyday.

-School is also something I need to do better, and I have plans for that which begun before the school year was out. The sad thing about that is that the grades I got were almost a relief, since I was fearing worse.

-I need to resolve the rift between myself and my parents. This doesn't mean that they will be a part of lives again, or that they won't. I don't see them ever being a part of our lives again, but I need to resolve this, because it weighs on me, and I don't want it to, but it does, and the longer it has, the more it has. I don't talk about it because ... well, you know why. But I'm going to have to solve this, because I need to move on.

- There is a small bump on the bunny, but it hasn't grown at all since I discovered it. I check on it every night, and its the same size. But in march when he goes in for a checkup it should be looked at.

Ok, I'm off to do laundry.

Dp 122408

noreply@blogger.com (TVD) — Thu, 25 Dec 2008 06:02:00 +0000

Common Theme: sneaking up

noreply@blogger.com (TVD) — Thu, 25 Dec 2008 05:40:00 +0000

This post has a soundtrack which is in no way related to the contents, but just is awesome.

Its hard to believe that the year is almost over. It seems like the semester was just begining, and thats spring 08 semester I refer, not spring 09. I guess its hard to imagine a way to describe the passage of time, but it really is like holding sand in your hand, it just slips through and before you know you can be aware of its passage, its gone.

This semester was highly dissapointing, for many reasons, most of which had to do with letting myself be distracted by what I thought was wrong. OR maybe it was wrong, and I just tried to deal with it and somehow that wasn't the way to solve it. Along the way I lost track of things, and let school slip. I guess I didn't realize how fast the semester went till it was over. I'm going to have to focus this semester to make up this ground I lost.

Dash has informed me its quarter till midnight, quarter till christmas. I don't know how I feel about Christmas this year, it kind of came out of nowhere and hit as well. I 'got' Button her tragus piercing for christmas, but otherwise we sucked at doing christmas this year.

I just emptied out the bottle of wine I started when I got home around 6:30. I suppose since it took me 4-5 hours to drink it I shouldn't feel too bad in the morning. I dunno. I've spent the night playing on the internet, not exactly the Norman Rockwell Christmas Eve Special, I know. Button went to a party and hung out with Sis tonight. I don't know if she can understand why I get upset when she does this. I guess I don't either, except I do. I'm lonely. And I just want her to be here to lighten my world. I don't want to take away her friends, but ... I dunno... I suppose I need to make friends.

For the record, this was really great wine. Good flavor.

I'm listening to the Battlestar Galactica soundtrack for Season 3. Really good stuff. Season two was awesome as well. PRelude to War is totes the greatest, but the whole thing has been really good. I need to get these songs. I want to listen to them more, some of it is truly great stuff. The rest is just averagly amazingly awesome.

So, Button texted that she should be leaving soon, and if all the gifts are wrapped its straight to coon, which will be an issue since none of the gifts are wrapped.

Merry Christmas, Button!

noreply@blogger.com (TVD) — Sun, 21 Dec 2008 22:54:00 +0000

I love you!

Just wrong!

noreply@blogger.com (TVD) — Mon, 15 Dec 2008 16:17:00 +0000

Am I the only one who gets really annoyed when they put baby jesus in the nativity scene before christmas?? I mean, seriously, ITS JUST WRONG . I know the irony of the atheist pointing out this detail, but come on people, get your shit together.
On my way the two finals that will suck in new and creative ways and will make my day suck. There will be brain jello-fication today. Also, I'm thinking wine with dinner tonight. Some sort of pain reducing libation. Beer is always good, too.
Back to supervalu; mathmatically I suppose i have traveled nowhere. Gotta love math for its just plain wierdness. And amth for telling me that the busses tires are spinning due to the coefficient of friction being lowered to almost nothing due to the ice. Before physics I knew that as well, but now I see it in terms of friction and mass and thier vectors, and i'm so ready for a break.
Jello-fication. (v. trans-): the action of ones brains changing to a warm jellomold due to the overstimulation and neuron decay of multiple finals on the same day. See: suicide-by-test.

Bwahahahahaha!!!

noreply@blogger.com (TVD) — Tue, 09 Dec 2008 15:59:00 +0000

This is the absolute funniest, almost a wet christmas dream, thing I've seen in a very long time.

On the flip side, We now have two consecutive govenors in jail. At the same time. Fucking awesome.

DP 120808

noreply@blogger.com (TVD) — Tue, 09 Dec 2008 06:48:00 +0000

The Post-Test Haggle. Points to be had, however they may be gotten.

O_o

noreply@blogger.com (TVD) — Mon, 08 Dec 2008 22:13:00 +0000

Particles of zinc are mixed with an electrolyte (usually potassium hydroxide solution); water and oxygen from the air react at the cathode and form hydroxyls which migrate into the zinc paste and form zincate (Zn(OH)₄^2-), at which point electrons are released and travel to the cathode. The zincate decays into zinc oxide and water is released back into the system. The water and hydroxyls from the anode are recycled at the cathode, so the water serves only as a catalyst. The reactions produce a maximum voltage level of 1.65 volts, but this is reduced to 1.4–1.35 V by reducing air flow into the cell; this is usually done for hearing aid batteries to reduce the rate of water drying out. (Wikipedia)

Whats scary? That paragraph makes sense. I did learn something this semester!!

Bwahahaha

noreply@blogger.com (TVD) — Mon, 08 Dec 2008 21:09:00 +0000

So, not counting 'attendance points' (wtf?), if I don't show up to the final (which I would, obviously, but you know) I would still get a solid C. Without even taking the final. Bwahahaha!! Now if only freaking physics could have worked out more that way...

DP 120708

noreply@blogger.com (TVD) — Sun, 07 Dec 2008 06:47:00 +0000

The Trains of Granite City have made the commute to work an occasional hell. I loathe them unlike any other that I have loathed.

42.6...

noreply@blogger.com (TVD) — Sun, 07 Dec 2008 02:51:00 +0000

So I, being the google fanatic I am, set up my Google Health profile last night. Plug in my information, link it to the prescriptions I've gotten at WAG, and .. well, thats all, really. But then I'm playing with it today because it finally linked my prescription history to the site, and I notice they've ever so helpfully calculated my BMI for me. Oh. Yay. 42.6.

So anyways, I have got to do better. For the non-existant kids I may never have. For my very existant wife, who I want to spend as much time as I can with. And for myself, I suppose. I need to find a path to doing this. I will do it. Somehow.

So my plan is this: 1) Begin to plan meals, and my life. Running late is making poor choices. I need to start getting up earlier and planning my life better. This will actually make my life better all around better. 2) I need to give up soda again. 3) I will find a way to begin using the rec and excersisng. See Section 1. 4) I can do this.